I am such a failure.
I've eaten so much today, i feel like i'm going to throw up.
i'd love too, but my head hurts to bad to purge.
i just drank a LARGE shake. did you see that? a LARGE!
I'm just screaming make me a fat ass!
i hate myself so much right now.

I take a birth control pill because of my severe PMS, and they stopped making it, and i can't get more until after i see a doctor, so i'm misserable.

i have period cramps, but no bleeding, and i feel like shit, and i can't sleep.
of course i can NEVER sleep because of insomnia.

I have to get on track. i feel disgusting.
i want to be skinny for New York, because i plan on going to ford models and whilamina and sending in a portfolio.

I want to be beautiful. i want the guys to want me, to talk about me, to vote me for homecoming. I want to be the girl they lust after, not just the one they ask when they need help.

My mom got those shape up shoes, so i'm taking them to gym class, because all i do is walk for an hour+. i would run, but theres a cutie in my next class, and i want him to notice me. not just as an aquantance. but more.

yes, i know i have a boyfriend, and i love him. but this guy is gorgeous. my boy friend knows i think this. we started this new thing where we tell each other anytime we look at someone else. as long as it's looking, not touching.
it's quite nice. no more guilt for thinking another guys cute.

we have a weird relationship, but he means the world to me. he really does.


well, that's really all i have on my minf right now. i'm going to try to get some much needed sleep, it will help with my hunger i feel all the time.


i love you all!