in TN, ate a lot today, my grandparents made me,
we're going to be busy tomorrow so i can prob get out of eating as much.
i got new jeans, a 7/8 from aero, i feel like a cow.
i'm going to make those jeans baggy..

i'm sick today.
i started my period today, and i have cramps so bad i can hardly move.
i'm misserable.
i hate it so much.
i'm going to try to workout tonight, if the pain goes away.
:(
i've been doing plyometrics to build up leg muscle for cheerleading.
and i'm going to start running on a daily basis.
i'm going to TN with my grandma over sprin break.
i plan on getting my prom dress.
update more later

had about 800 - 900 cals today.
felt sick all day, and was is a bad mood.
yea, i don't fee like updating..
night

I had hardees today.
so i skipped lunch to make up for it.
then had a weight watcher mini pizza for dinner (200)
i only ate the toppings.
i feel disgusted with myself. i truelly hate this obese monster i have become.
i see my tiny friends and i'm filled with envy.
i swear i will do better.
i want to be tiny, and petite.
i want to be beautiful

I think i'm going to try 2468 diet.

My mom told me she thought her body issues had rubbed off on me. She was what is considered now EDNOS. Her mom called her fat when she was little and all kinds of stuff. She tells me everyday i'm beautiful. I just don't see it.
I plan on running tonight after practice. Then tanning after.
I'll update then (:

It's been awhile since i got on here.
i've started lifting weight, to focus on my legs and arms.
it's going to help with cheerleading in the fall.
i ordered an exercise DVD that works on cheering,
so i'm excited for it to come in.
We have a Lock in for our play tonight.
so i'll be there all night, with a bunch of snacks.
i'm praying i'll be strong.
since i'm on stage the entire play, i wont get much chance
to just sit around and snack. i'm thankful for that.
i just realized i'm so pale.
so i'm going to clean my room, go shower, tanning lotion(30 min to dry)
then maybe if i have time lay in the tanning bed.


stay strong everyone (:

$#@$

I went to my friends Sweet Sixteen, and ate way to much.
I am disqusted with myself.
I am a FAT COW, and a LAZY SLOB.
I hate myself.
From this point on i will not binge,
or listen to the food say eat me please.
I WON'T!

I WILL do better!
i will get to 125 by the first performance
of the play. I want to be a pretty lead.
I will be 115 by prom.
I WILL!

I just found out that I got the lead in my school's play.
I'm beyond shocked. But very happy, and it's a major motivator to loose weight.


Getting ready to eat breakfast.
1/2 whole wheat bagel, w/ 2 tbsp cream cheese mixed with splenda
- 155 cals.
Post rest of day later (: