Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't been on. I broke my laptop charger and I'm having trouble getting it fixed. I just got my iPod on the mail so I can get on a little but not too much. I miss everyone and can't wait to be back

I tried on all my shorts from last summer,
NONE OF THEM FIT.
that is exactly the motivation i need.
i've had 260 calories so far today.
a 100 cal pack of cheese, a 100 cal yogurt, and a 60 cal mousse temptation thingy.

i'm going later to re get my gym membership.
they changed the system to get in, so my card doesn't work.

i'm going to a fair with my boyfriend this week, i'm really excited.
i went last week with 2 of my best friends.
i wore jeans because i felt so huge.
i'm the shortest of the 3 of us.
my best friend is a tall skinny blonde,
she wear a size 7, but still has a gap between her thighs.
my other friends bigger, she wear a 14.
and i wear a 9 (seven if i'm lucky)
but i decided i'm going to wear a baggy size 5 by school starting (aug. 18)

i'm sick of all this fat, so today i get serious, no more snacking, no more fast food.

i mean it this time.

I'm back.

I ate entirely way too much on vacation.
I've decided that i have to stop this nasty
food obsession i've gotten. i want to be pretty. i want the guys to talk about how hott i am, and yearn for me.

so this is my list of things to do before summer is over.

*Start swimming at least 3x a week (pool opens july 19)
*Get my left and right split, maybe middle.
*Get higher toe touches.
*Get to at least 125.
*Get tan.
*Stop eating fast food.
*Look hott when i see my ex at the fair.
*Fit into a size 5.
*Make my size 9's and 7's fall off when i put them on.
*Finish my art assignments
*Limit myself to 2 diet soda's a day (sodium = bloating)
*Start running on days i don't swim


I think i can do this.
wait, no.
I KNOW i can do this.


I'm making an appointment to get my hair done.
I'm getting a perm, my bangs trimmed, and layers put back.
my hair just looks like crap right now.


All of me looks like crap right now.

I'm in New Jersey.
We're 5 minutes from New York City.
Going to Ellis Island in a bit.
Its going to be 90 today, so i'm wearing shorts.
I feel like a cow.
I know i'll be made fun of.
Can't update much, sharing a room with 4 other people.


Stay Strong <3

Goodbye past.

Yesterday was my Sweet Sixteen.
my boyfriend gave me part 2 of my present. (part one was two belly button rings)
it was a beautiful necklace in the shape of a heart, with a small pink heart shaped stone on one side, and pink stones lining the other. (post pic later) it matched one of the belly button rings perfectly. he got it from kays with a lifetime warrenty.
my boyfriends the type of guy who doesn't like to spend money. SO for him to get me all that was really sweet.
I ate way too much, and i'm very ashamed. i'm disgusting. i did dance ALOT though, but it doesn't make up for my complete lack of will power. i saw a picture of myself and it made me realize that i'm a whale.
i leave for New York the 20th. I'm gonna try to not eat alot, but everyone wants to go to these big resturanuts that they don't have here, and my friends parents are paying for me. so if i just get a salad that costs 30$ i'll feel awful.

i've been working out again. lots of weights and cardio for cheerleading.
my new facination is contortion, they're all very lean, and so pretty.
i want to be like that. i'm stretching everyday.

i wish i was the best at something. my grades are average, i'm not a good cheerleader, my artwork is nothing compared to the other kids in my class, i'm not skinny, i'm not beautiful, i'm good at things but NEVER the best. The only reason i got Alice, is because the best girl didn't want to be her, and she said she was worried about the play when she heard i got the lead. i'm just average.

This summer will be different. I'm going to make it different. I will get into the best physical condition of my life, i'll be skinny, i'll be confident.
and maybe, just maybe, i'll finally be
happy.

Tomorrows my party.
gross fat cake.
chocolate fondu.
fat chips & soda.

God help me be strong.


i had a pretty awesome workout today, which i'm deffinatly sore from.
i feel so good though.


my mom now knows everything i've done with my boyfriend. it's really weird knowing she knows.

my friend from another school says he likes me, and i'm beautiful.
we've never met met, but i dated him friend a few years ago.
i don't like him that way though, and he has a girlfriend.

Happy Birthday to Me.

*cue the streamers*


i'm fiinally 16.
i woke up to a mini lecture from my mom about how we need to work together to loose weight, how i'm too short to carry excess weight.
How if i said i was hungry and had eaten she's tell me to suck it up, and i HAD to exersice.

i'm glad though, this will be my motivation.
loose weight as quick as possible.


i'm going to be TINY this summer.