Goodbye past.

Yesterday was my Sweet Sixteen.
my boyfriend gave me part 2 of my present. (part one was two belly button rings)
it was a beautiful necklace in the shape of a heart, with a small pink heart shaped stone on one side, and pink stones lining the other. (post pic later) it matched one of the belly button rings perfectly. he got it from kays with a lifetime warrenty.
my boyfriends the type of guy who doesn't like to spend money. SO for him to get me all that was really sweet.
I ate way too much, and i'm very ashamed. i'm disgusting. i did dance ALOT though, but it doesn't make up for my complete lack of will power. i saw a picture of myself and it made me realize that i'm a whale.
i leave for New York the 20th. I'm gonna try to not eat alot, but everyone wants to go to these big resturanuts that they don't have here, and my friends parents are paying for me. so if i just get a salad that costs 30$ i'll feel awful.

i've been working out again. lots of weights and cardio for cheerleading.
my new facination is contortion, they're all very lean, and so pretty.
i want to be like that. i'm stretching everyday.

i wish i was the best at something. my grades are average, i'm not a good cheerleader, my artwork is nothing compared to the other kids in my class, i'm not skinny, i'm not beautiful, i'm good at things but NEVER the best. The only reason i got Alice, is because the best girl didn't want to be her, and she said she was worried about the play when she heard i got the lead. i'm just average.

This summer will be different. I'm going to make it different. I will get into the best physical condition of my life, i'll be skinny, i'll be confident.
and maybe, just maybe, i'll finally be
happy.