Taken from my live journal.

Aug 9 2009 11:33 pm


i hate that i can eat the worst thing ever,
know how many calories are in it, and know
that it's going straight to my ass, eat it anyway,
then cry, and think about purging, but i don't want to purge
because i don't want anyone to know.

i hate how i can not eat, go to cheerleading practice,
work my ass off, and not eat at all until dinner,
and then i do 500+ crunches before bed.

i hate how i always feel sick after i eat, but
yet i'll eat the same thing again.

i hate seeing the scars on my arms,
know that i did that, then pick up a
razor and do the same thing again.

i hate that i always feel like the world's
biggest failure. that i'm not good enough.

i hate MYSELF.

but most of all, i hate that i hate myself.


i hate the body i live in, i hate the voice in my head that tells me i'm a cow,
and that if i eat that i'll be fat.
i hate the other voice telling me, oh go ahead and eat it, you can work it off later.


i wish i was normal..